Angel of Emotion
by Aireonna
Summary: Castiel/Anna Drabbles. SPOILER ALERT! First 3 are episode scenes redone in my thoughts and adding in what I really believe Cass is feeling. Angels aren't supposed to feel. So what is this feeling Castiel is experiencing?
1. Love

**Supernatural**

**Love  
**

**Season**: 4

**Episode**: 16 and continued MY WAY

**Characters**: _Castiel/Anna_

**Rating**: _Good question._

**Disclaimer**: I do not and will never own unfortunately. This is just my own lil spoof.

**Note**: I am completely obsessed with Supernatural and even more so with Castiel. Add some Anna and it worsens. I do not care if people like this. But please enjoy!

**Author**: Aireonna

* * *

"Anna?!"

Castiel called out into the cold, dark night, pacing back and forth under the illumination from the streetlamp above.

Why was he calling out for her? Did he really expect her to answer after everything that had conspired?

He wasn't sure, but he knew she was the one with answers. The only one who could help him. She was whom he needed.

Halting and taking a final breath he sighed.

"Anna…Please…"

The light flickered above as the cold breeze swept around him. Oh how wondrous the signs of an angel were. His heart fluttered in anticipation with each flicker.

Glancing upward as the bulb continued to pulsate, he turned around with hope.

There in all her glory she stood before him. A look of contentment was plastered upon her angelic features.

"Decided to kill me after all?" She questioned. Her tone was harsh and yet calm as if she knew why he had called for her.

His eyes softened and he couldn't understand why her words stabbed at him.

"I'm alone." He spoke softly. He prayed that she would listen to him and not flee.

"What do you want from me Castiel?" She asked, her voice laced with fear.

Castiel lowered his gaze and allowed the words to fall freely from his mouth.

"I'm considering disobedience."

Anna nodded slightly.

"Good."

Castiel's gaze widened and he shook his head somewhat.

"No, it isn't." His chest tightened and he suddenly found it harder to speak. His words were like peanut butter gluing his tongue to the roof of his mouth.

Anna bit her tongue and clenched her fists at her side.

"For the first time I feel…" The words slipped from his control and he couldn't seem to continue the sentence. Angel's didn't feel. It wasn't something they were commanded to do.

Feeling was for humans. Castiel knew this was only the beginning to what Anna had already experienced. And somehow it only made him feel worse. This wasn't what he wanted. Anna had fallen. A sin redeemable only by death from the hands of another Angel.

Sighing in relief, Anna allowed herself to relax her guard.

"It gets worse…"

The words were like a knife puncturing his gut. Lowering his gaze from the red haired Angel before him, he couldn't find the courage to face her as she continued.

"Choosing your own course of action. It's confusing." Anna closed the gap between them, halting a foot before him, her gaze never leaving his face.

His breath quickened at such close proximity. Another feeling he knew nothing of. This wasn't something Angels were born to know. Why did his heart race with each step and word she spoke?

"Terrifying." She quieted, but only after bringing her left hand to rest upon his right shoulder blade. Her touch was hot, like a brand upon his skin.

Castiel glanced down at her delicate hand that held such wrath. Anna was an Angel like no other. Someone who held such power. It only made his situation darken at the thought.

She lowered her arm with a sigh. Why did that action suddenly make him flinch?

"That's right. You're too good for my help." She spat in anger. Her words pierced into Castiel and he clenched his fists in rage.

"I'm just trash. A walking blasphemy." Her words were like poison to his heart as she began to turn away and walk back the way she had came.

His heart ceased its beating and he suddenly felt that if he let her walk away it would be the worst mistake of his long existence.

"Anna!" His voice was stern yet troubled. However, she halted her departure, her stance ready to dart at a moments notice.

"I don't know what to do." His words built tension in the night air.

Castiel had never felt so hopeless. For once he did not know what the outcome would be. He didn't know if Anna would help him but he knew he couldn't stop from pleading with her.

She turned slower this time to face him. Her eyes were endless pools of emerald and yet the depth of them was unseen. She had seen far more then him in her long life. Her pain he had caused her, the pain of the Angel's against her, he could read it easily in her lost expression.

And then, a condescending smirk fluttered across her red stricken lips.

"Like the old days." Her voice was angelic all on its own but he knew what was coming. His plea would not break the already broken Angel.

She shook her head, "No."

She inhaled deeply and her eyes searched his.

"I'm sorry."

Castiel didn't know two words could be so world shattering. Anna. Saying sorry to him? He knew this would not end well.

"It's time to think for yourself." She spoke sternly like the Angel he remembered.

His heart sank to his stomach and his stomach seemed to be pushing in his throat. It was an experience he was sure he would be okay with out ever having to experience again. Why did she weaken him?

His eyes sought out hers hoping there was something there that defied her words.

And then she was gone. Just like that. His pulse quickened and he lowered his gaze to the ground praying that maybe she would return.

And yet, she didn't. She had vanished without a second warning or even a chance for him to explain himself.

What was there really to explain?

Castiel had no clue what to do.

His eyes searched the empty night once more left and right and still she was nowhere.

It felt like he was only beginning to see pieces to an unseen puzzle and yet Anna was the key piece that would complete it all.

**Flashing forward to the moment the Wrathless Anna pierced the dagger through Uriel's neck, ending his existence.**

Castiel could feel each blow from Uriel as the blood of Jimmy stained his face. He remembered feeling this feeling only once before, the feeling of hopelessness and utterly lost with no solution but in a different sense. Anna didn't beat him down physically, her words almost hurt worse than each open wound from the traitor before him.

His knees scrapped upon the cement floor beneath him while he prepared for Uriel's next attack. He allowed his gaze to venture upward after recovering and once more he felt his heartbeat quicken at what he found.

Uriel's words never made it to his ears, all he could do was breath in all that was the red haired Angel before him that now held onto the hilt of the dagger protruding from the Archangel's neck.

A look of shock glued itself to Uriel's dark features as Anna spoke.

"Maybe not…" She spat her words venomously inching closer to his ear as she continued to hold the dagger in its place and Uriel's body laid back against the small stature of the Angel of his death.

"But there's still. Me."

Each word she spoke sent chills down Castiel's spine. He was accustomed to killing, so watching her end Uriel's life did not falter his spirit. She had come to his aid like the old days, which almost brought a smirk to his face after her words she had spoken early.

If it wasn't the pain, he would allow such a thing, but he couldn't bring himself to even stand let alone smile at such a time. He held his breath as she viciously removed the dagger from Uriel's neck and the Archangel breathed his last breath falling to the ground in a heap.

The Angel's eyes closed and Castiel found Anna walking over to his side quickly, his gaze daring to catch a glimpse of her statue like glare.

They both stared as Uriel's mouth and eyes opened, a scream releasing itself from his lips and the Angelic light from his Grace left his body and illuminated the dark room around them, sending out a pulse into the vastness of the abandoned factory.

Castiel managed to raise himself from the ground, his eyes never leaving his fallen comrade. He still couldn't fathom everything that had taken place. Uriel's confession to everything. His betrayal. And yet that's not what stung the most.

Anna had managed to save him. Even after he had allowed her to leave his side after their confrontation.

He knew he should kill her now. He had just witnessed an assassination of one of his brothers. An Archangel. But he didn't think of Uriel as his brother any longer. He betrayed him. Betrayed his Father.

Anna had fallen. But according to whom? Was she really the one in the wrong? Had he sided with the right?

He turned to meet her emerald gaze once more, searching for anything that would answer his questions.

All he found was peace. Her features held nothing of the conflict that had transpired. Only peace.

And that peace eased him. The pain he was feeling was suddenly nothing. He could feel his wounds mending already. She was his answer.

And that's the moment Castiel realized Angel's could love.

* * *

A/n: Okay! So this is where I am ending this little one shot. Only because I do not want to continue with the episode any further. If you would like me to continue with more of my own, please let me know! I have a good idea where to take this but only if you want me to!


	2. Regret

**Angel of Emotion **

**Regret**

**Supernatural **

**Season**: 4

**Episode**: 21 but changed through my point of view

**Disclaimer**: I do not own we all know that.

**Note**: So I have a wonderful idea on how to create my own story but I need bits and pieces from episodes but they will be detailed my way and added to. So I am changing it and I hope there is no problem with that. I do not own just using for my own fun.

* * *

Castiel stood, leaning against the railing and staring out into the dark waters.

The night was still and cold and he still couldn't get over his orders. He couldn't forget his visit to heaven. He was lost still but he knew he had no choice.

Even though Anna had awoken something within him he didn't know existed, he knew there was no way he could follow his own will and change what was impending.

That was blasphemy. Falling. Anna had done just that. Was he really ready to follow in her footsteps?

He knew what he was feeling was emotions. He felt for her.

And as if she knew he was thinking about her, he could feel her presence appear behind him.

Why must this happen? He knew what was to come and he dreaded it. Wished she would disappear now before allowing him to lay eyes on her. The beautiful fallen Angel that had made him realize there was more to being an Angel than just following orders.

But Castiel had no choice. He served God. Not man. Not Anna. He would not allow emotions to change that.

Turning slowly to face his nightmare, a look of fear was plastered on his face. A look of regret. Of pain.

Stepping towards his downfall, he found he couldn't breathe. The sight of her did more to him than he thought would. And yet her eyes bore holes into his soul. They knew.

Why did he feel like he was betraying her? He was following the Will of his Father. And yet, he almost felt like it was not the way. Like Anna knew more about what was right and what was wrong.

Castiel stopped the thoughts before they continued. This was what had caused his return to heaven to be debriefed and lectured, to make him understand the way. To make sure he still remained Heaven's soldier.

"What did you do?" Her voice was like music to his ears.

His heart tugged in his chest.

"You shouldn't have come Anna." He spoke sincerely. He willed her to listen. To try and piece out his warning. He did not want what was awaiting to happen. Not for Anna.

"Why would you let out Sam Winchester?" She spoke in anger. Her eyes stared in judgment, almost like she was wishing he would succumb to her, that he would admit that this was wrong.

Was this wrong? He thought a moment before he spoke. His heartbeat quickened in his chest and he suddenly felt ill. Did Angel's get sick?

"Those were my orders." He spoke vehemently, like the words were killing even him as they escaped his lips.

"Orders?!" Her voice cut him off from explaining further.

"Cass."

Castiel lowered his gaze from the red haired Angel before him, unable to meet her stare any longer. Every second that ticked by felt like an ending. He knew he couldn't stop her anger, he was doing exactly what she told him not to. He was behaving like a good little Angel without thinking for himself.

"You saw him. He's drinking demon blood! It's so much worse than we thought. Dean was trying to stop him!"

Castiel shook his head as she scolded him. He felt as if his world was falling apart. Her words rang a sort of truth to him that he knew was wrong. He knew what Sam was doing was wrong, but there was nothing he could do.

He suddenly got the urge to run to her, to beg her to make everything alright. To take her in his arms and for her to show him the way. But he knew that would not happen. He could not do such a thing. Anna was a Fallen Angel. And with the war emerging, she was an Angel that they needed desperately. What was to come was something he knew must happen.

"You really shouldn't of come." He spoke quickly, averting his gaze to the left. He didn't want to watch what was approaching. He knew if he did, he would stop them.

He had no choice.

Anna continued to stare at him, he could feel those emerald pools, knew that they were brimming with tears. He could see from the corner of his eyes the flush of her cheeks from the night's breeze. And yet he allowed her image to be permanently frozen in his mind. Her beauty, her grace, even her will, he would not forget this Anna.

Then he saw them, felt them approach on each of her sides. Gulping, he feared what was to happen next. Anna was a powerful Angel, if she didn't succumb willingly, he knew there would be deaths on this peaceful night. And somehow he knew he would protect her.

He prayed that she came willingly. He could not afford to be reprimanded once more. He was not willing to take that step yet, there was too much left to be done. His feelings would have to wait.

He felt them take both her arms in hand and even dared to allow his gaze to connect just barely and that's all it took. He felt the betrayal in her eyes, could feel her hurt, her pain. He knew she would never forgive him for this night.

And when he finally allowed his eyes to fall on the beauty that had opened them to begin with, he was met with her true power. The white light of her beauty illuminated the area around them and brought him a feeling of passion and joy together with life.

"I loved you Cass."

Her words echoed in his ears as she was taken from his sight to the heavens above.

His heartbeat ceased and he found himself forgetting to breathe.

He played the words over and over in his head and still found that he couldn't figure if they were truth or something he dreamed.

The look on her face flashed before his eyes, a look of pureness, of sadness, and a look of pleading.

He turned his gaze to the night sky, watched as the light dimmed in the darkness, and tried to fight off the pain that tore at his soul.

He found it hard to breath and his eyes brimmed with tears.

Turning back to the railing to take in the waters surface, he stared into the darkness of the pools below.

Yet all he saw were endless pools of emerald.

And that's the moment Castiel realized Angel's could regret.

* * *

A/N: Well what do you think? Sorry for the shorter chapter, but that's all from this episode. I only have one more to use before I continue with drabble of my own! I hope you enjoyed! Please tell me if you want me to continue.


	3. Fallen

**Angel of Emotion **

**Fallen**

**Supernatural **

**Season**: 4

**Episode**: 22 same as before, added to and changed for my pleasure

**Disclaimer**: Boy do I wish I owned all that yummy Castiel-ness and anything Supernatural. Otherwise, not in this lifetime.

**Note**: Castiel/Anna. So here is the last one that will include anything in an episode until Anna returns. Otherwise if requested I will continue on my own. Thanks so much for reading!

Btw skipping to a part I want to write from….

* * *

"Why are you here Cass?" Dean asked, his voice refraining from true hate.

Castiel sighed and allowed his eyes to meet Dean's.

"We've been through much together you and I. I just wanted to say I'm sorry it ended like this." His voice held a ring of truth to it. Even in the end he knew what he was doing was not right. But he could not betray Heaven's Will.

Dean stared at him in awe.

"Sorry?" Dean turned his gaze from him angrily before winding his right arm back and punching Castiel square in the jaw.

Castiel's face turned with the force of the hit, but he felt nothing. He knew Dean would only feel pain, like hitting a brick wall.

He watched as Dean turned back away from him to face the opposite wall and cringed in pain.

"It's Armageddon Cass, you need a bigger word than sorry." Dean spat, turning to face the Angel once more.

"Try to understand this is long foretold! This is your…" Castiel waved his arms as he spoke trying to get his point to Dean. But he knew he was too stubborn for his own good. He bit his tongue as Dean interrupted.

"Destiny?! Don't give me that holy crap. Destiny? God's plan? Its all a bunch of lies you poor, stupid, sonuva bitch! Its just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line." Dean spoke, shaking his head and using his hands to emphasize each word.

Castiel felt his heartbeat racing. Each word Dean spoke was something he had already thought of. Something someone had already pointed out to him. Even with Uriel's betrayal he had seen the truth. He knew what Dean felt was righteous and yet he could do nothing.

"You know what's real? People! Families! That's real. And you're gonna watch them all burn?" Dean cursed in anger.

"What is so worth saving?" Castiel yelled. He could feel the anger boiling over. He didn't know what was worth it anymore. He felt lost and alone. Why was he feeling?

Beside all that, he couldn't see why someone would willingly put himself or herself through the pain, through heartache. Why did Dean want to live when there was nothing worth living for?

"I see nothing but pain here! I see inside you. I see your guilt. Your anger! Confusion! In Paradise all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam." He knew even while he was speaking he was crossing the line. He knew that Sam was territory he should not cross. But he didn't care. He would say anything to keep the plan going.

If not, then his sacrificing Anna was for nothing. She was suffering for nothing. He had to continue, to follow the Will. He had to obey.

He found he could no longer meet Dean's gaze and Dean lowered his eyes also, not able to continue after Casitel's words.

Dean bit his tongue and forced Castiel to meet his eyes once more.

"You can take your peace and shove it up your lilly white ass. 'Cause I'll take the pain, and the guilt, I'll even take Sam as is! It's a lot better than being some Stepford Bitch in Paradise!"

Castiel shook his head biting back the urge to smite Dean where he stood. He could not listen to such words. To such blasphemy. He knew all along that Dean would be hard to sway, but this was something he could not tolerate.

"This is simple Cass! No more crap about being a good soldier. There is a right and there is a wrong here and you know it! Look at me!"

Dean reached out abruptly and clasped onto Castiel's shoulder turning him roughly to face him.

"You know it! Now you were gonna help me once weren't you? You were gonna warn me about all this before they dragged you back to bible camp. Help me. Now! Please!"

Dean searched Castiel's face for any sign of breaking.

Castiel stared into the wall, trying to piece it all together. This was wrong. He could feel it. He knew Anna had been right all along. And yet he allowed himself to betray her. He didn't listen. He obeyed against his better judgment. It was his fault she was now in Heaven. She should be here, searching for God.

Something wasn't right. This wasn't the will of God. This was a massacre. Dean spoke the truth. He felt almost as if Anna was preaching through him. Like so many times before, he doubted his superior. Isn't that why they were where they were today?

"What would you have me do?" He spoke slowly, trying to pull together all the possibilities that stood a likely chance at surviving.

"Get me to Sam! We could stop this before its too late." Dean pleaded.

Castiel turned to face Dean once more sternly.

"I do that, we will all be hunted! We'll all be killed!" He searched Dean, hoping he wouldn't continue with his plea.

"If there was anything worth dying for, this is it." Dean spoke cautiously.

Castiel shook his head, his eyes seeing only Anna's endless emerald gems before him. How could he continue on? How could he not follow his orders? How could he betray Dean and Sam after already betraying her?

He lowered his head, fighting to breath. Dean shook his head, disappointed.

"You spineless, soulless, sonuva bitch!" Dean turned and walked towards the wall behind him, leaving Castiel to face his back.

Soulless? Was he really? Angels were pure. Angels were purity of an immortal soul. How could he be soulless? And yet he knew it had been true. The moment he allowed them to take her from him. He knew he was a coward. He would not be that coward again.

"What do you care about dying? You're already dead. We're done." Dean walked to the opposite of the room trying to increase the space between them.

Castiel felt the words like knives into his heart. He felt dead. He felt incomplete. From the moment she had fallen, he knew something was missing. And then he found her once more. He felt a part of him return that he never knew existed. She brought out the man. She made him a true Angel. Not some lifeless being.

"Dean…" He spoke softly. His heart broke at his thoughts. He had to try and set something right.

"We're done!" Dean spoke firmly in a tone that dared Castiel to continue.

And with those words, Castiel disappeared. He had to get away. He had to find some answers, to clear his mind and free himself from the guilt he was feeling.

This wasn't safe. His thoughts were blasphemy. He couldn't be thinking about swaying from the path once more. But he knew he was.

He was putting man before God again. But is that really what he was doing? Was this all God's Will?

Uriel had betrayed them. Could it be higher up also? God was MIA. Would this really all be his Father's will?

Castiel sighed and opened his eyes to the paradise before him. He had to see her. He had to know she was all right.

Glancing around him, he was awed at the emptiness. Where were all the Angels?

Closing his eyes, he tried to sense her. Reaching out for the signature that was purely Anna, he didn't hesitate before allowing his mind to pull him to her location.

Making sure he was masking his presence, he hid from sight. He knew if he were caught here it would not end well.

And then his eyes fell upon her. He knew he had to make this quick, Jimmy couldn't stay without him for long. But he didn't care.

She was confined, even from behind his vantage point he could tell it was not to the point of comfort but to keep her from leaving. Her wings had been clipped, which was only temporary, but in heaven they didn't heal as quickly as on Earth. Here there were only Angels to hurt other Angels. The damage done wasn't so easy to recover from like a wound from a human.

The sight of her saddened Castiel. Watching her, she remained still, not moving anything but her lips randomly. Her long red hair sprawled about her face; her human form did her no justice in her beauty. It seemed her red hair had followed her even on Earth. But that was Anna.

His chest tightened as he took her in. The chains on her wrists holding her down to the chair she sat in looked painfully tight. He could tell the Garrison had resorted to torture to try and get their point across.

Anna had fallen, normally punishable by death, but the Garrison had decided to bring her in for reprogramming, as Dean would say. She would be needed in the war to come, and unfortunately, that was just what Anna didn't want.

"I will not break…"

He heard her frail voice whisper.

Castiel knew he had to leave or he would end up making a mistake that could cost him his life. Sam and Dean needed him. He couldn't make a dumb move like he was thinking.

But as she raised her head to search for him, he knew he couldn't leave her. He could feel her power tickling over his skin. She was calling to him. Even after falling she still held an authority over him that he could never remove. Anna was superior.

"Have you changed your mind yet?"

Castiel paused his movements as Zachariah flashed before the Fallen Angel.

"I will not be a pawn in your game." She spat at her tormenters feet.

Castiel clenched his fists in anger. He had to leave now. This was pure insanity.

"Let's see how much longer you can hold out."

Zachariah was gone without a moment's notice and Anna brought her eyes to meet his.

"You shouldn't be here." She spoke, staring into darkness.

"Anna…" He didn't know what he was trying to say. But he felt responsible. She was here because of him.

"Leave Cass. There's nothing you can do now. I tried to help you…"

She sounded broken and distant. This caught his breath in the back of his throat and he had to refrain from stepping forward to give himself away. Even if she knew he was here, he couldn't chance someone sensing him or seeing him near her. He would be killed instantly.

"I didn't understand then…" What was he saying?

Why did she confuse him so? Why did it feel like everything he knew didn't matter? She turned it all upside down. His world was broken, damaged, and with her chained to the chair it only made everything worse. He began stepping towards her.

And without a warning Castiel was back inside his vessel.

He gasped for air and glanced around at his surroundings. He was still outside the Green Room where they were holding Dean.

He had no choice. He would free Dean first and then go for Anna.

Wasting no time, he appeared behind Dean and grabbed his shoulder, throwing him against the wall.

Castiel covered his mouth, staring at him sternly so he didn't make a noise as he brought out his Angel dagger.

Dean searched Castiel's eyes for any sign of what was going on, but found nothing.

Castiel removed his hold and brought the dagger to his already bare left forearm, slicing into the skin quickly.

Dean could only stare at the crazy display in disgust.

Castiel brought his right hand and doused his fingers in blood before rushing to the white wall behind Dean. Dean quickly sidestepped, and turned to watch the insanity.

Castiel dragged his tainted fingers along the wall, forming it into the sigil used before to send the Angels away.

As Castiel added the finishing touches, Zachariah appeared behind Dean in anger.

"Castiel!"

Both Dean and Castiel turned abruptly to glance at the Archangel but Castiel didn't falter, continuing the sigil.

"Would you mind explaining just what the hell you're doing?!"

Castiel watched as Zachariah rushed forward to stop him. But before he could get any closer, Castiel touched his bloody hand to the middle of the sigil and Zachariah disappeared in a flash of light and a scream of anger.

Dean covered his eyes quickly to hide from the blinding light.

Castiel only watched, pleased that he finally made his own decision.

"He won't be gone long." He huffed, trying to catch his breath.

Dean turned to face him, a look of confusion glued to his face.

"Where did you learn how to do that Cass?" Dean asked harshly.

Castiel knew Dean didn't trust him.

"I learned it from someone important." His voice was short, not wanting to continue with the answer.

"We have to find Sam now. And I have to free Anna."

Dean stared in anger.

"Where are they?"

"I will send you to someone who knows where to find Sam. But I must save Anna alone." Castiel lowered his gaze from Dean.

He didn't know what he was doing. He knew this was wrong. It went against everything he had ever known. He was defying his orders.

And that's the moment Castiel realized this Angel had fallen.

* * *

A/N: Well? It was my own tied throughout it. The rest will be drabbles of my own until Anna returns. I hope you enjoyed!


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